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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in seashelllz's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, October 29th, 2016
3:21 am
there i was flying with you
at the controls all those mountains
crumbling at my feet

so sweetly.

then there i was grasped in my own
best dress, long and lean almost
part- machine

there i was undone in a bed of glass and
mirrors, there you were reflecting
every gentle part of me
there we were.

here we are.

there i was laughing with your
grandmother, feeling the carpet
tickle my feet, there i was
stumbling to sound smart

smiling more than i should,
glancing along your pinball
silhouette, we made noise
past the quiet hours

there it made no difference, we
had mountains to crumble
statues to make humble
and the widest sky you've ever seen
to baptise our blue hearts
back to baby again

there i am in photos, dripping
with delicious dreams, glowing like
a debutante, there you are, grinning
cheshire tall above me

mouth full of madness i tempt
the torture, repeating words
i dare not believe, are we
pretending, is it good to hurt?

here i am pounding out promises
syllable by syllable into my
palms, it means i need some
skin that listens, it means where
you are, it's much too late.

here i shouldn't stand too long
stare at the sun's white hot heat
i have a million urban legend old wives tales
tripping my indecision like a trigger
on a gun

there i was wanting to stop time, just
to breathe in more of you, just to keep
you as close as there is of closeness
the way my smile clings to your lips

there i was entranced by beauty and salt
dead leaves and strip malls, a whole new
set of rhythms still pulsing through
your fading haze

there i was lifting off, departing
that x on my oldest map, my dearest dream
my fanciest, most flamboyant fairy tale
the tallest tallest tale
my heart could ever tell...
Friday, October 28th, 2016
10:17 pm
violuptious words come traveling along my
inner arm, there are weapons waiting

stashed like the cash-out dream
in your eyes, behind a few burnt-out lightbulbs
and some heavy sighs

dream carefully, you say, as if i have choices
dream of me, i say, but you don't hear over
those other voices

clamoring for armor from deciduous verbs
clinging like static and nesting
baby birds, hungry like that

ready to hatch, into new winged
decisions, the soaring that sings
mockingjay missions and fingerless rings

as if we are medievel in lessons and name
gallowing heart fast sturdy as shame
i give you this bread, this body, this fame
i give you this prayer at the feet of old pain

let down let down let down your hair
there's fairy tales webbed 'round my chest
til i cannot breathe air
whisper me back to the tongue of
my mother and tell me no stories of blood
unrecovered

i'm a vengeance waiting until it's time to come back
blacker than bootsteps in silent attack
you won't remember how i used to laugh
but you'll never forget the sword i used
to cut us in half...
Sunday, November 24th, 2013
1:28 pm
i have veins like state lines, overtime war-crimes. you became my slaughterhouse, kept me quiet, tiny mouse. candysweet became my street name, bulletproof vests to hide the shame. there was no tiger i couldn't tame. but tomorrow came just the same...
Monday, October 22nd, 2012
3:11 pm
I had things to tell you through sheets of skin, we needed more and then, breaking open soul to sin, we wished a new within, we fell into the lessening rhyme and twisted our fingers in strands of time, counting blessings borne from thin air the night has become a dream we wear, you have become my everywhere and I have no desire to share...
Tuesday, July 17th, 2012
2:47 am
what takes me apart
puts me together
what built the wall
i sat on

exploding skylines
bereft of sunshine
another empty winner
with a hat on

what takes me apart
what renders me useless
a broken clock biography
gathering dust

an old color draining
from a wild and ancient face
blending praise and scolding
into a safe and scary place

gloved and guarded
held aloft
all the falling down
landings not so soft
Saturday, June 30th, 2012
11:12 pm
every switch

house

light

house

house of cards we

thought our fingers

could hold,

every bunkhouse

whorehouse

house of heroes

crumbles

under its own

weight eventually

but

maybe there's a

dwelling place

deeper

that never

denounces

those who come

to tell

the stories

of how

it came

to be

and why

it must

live

on.
Tuesday, June 19th, 2012
12:26 pm
returning to dark
veils, dark dance
returning

under ground where my
fingers dug loose
strange coins

under your eyes where
the truth slept
like snakes
Sunday, June 10th, 2012
3:41 am
this won't harvest
hills of wheat, no
grasses greener
on other sides

the rains have come
early this year, drowning
spring flowers in
grandmas' yards
Saturday, June 9th, 2012
4:13 pm
all three
wisdom teeth
had dirty roots
when they came up
quivering

from a mouth with
no home.

but that didn't stop
the throbbing
questions girls
ask with throats
clogged

albino spiders
crawl along the ledges
of snow bank dredged
dreams, alive
with clotted silk
strands raveled
in swollen
stomachs

but you told me
the story of your
silkworm skin
too many times
for me to
believe in
8-legged magic

you told me the story
of your mom's old eyes
coming clear again
not enough times
for me to believe
you know how
to find the
constellations we
used
to find each other
still.

a telegraph times table
conundrum has been begun
between the palms unpraying
& verses unsung
now her mouth
holds
tighter
what I could
never bear to swallow

teeth i trusted
break on frozen
fenceposts
you told me
couldn't be bent

and i believed

Babel was a home
i could build myself, call
my own.

alone.
Tuesday, June 5th, 2012
5:19 pm
the dancing drums were your skin filling in my empty places, old skies' clouds clumped in mouths ready to break open, mild-mannered hammers clang on bars that hold us confined, a sleeping chain gang of you and i splayed in expensive alibis. waiting for the breath and less to give us new reasons to confess: this is what we came for, bliss is what we stay for, collapse into the flavor of forbidden behavior...one. more. time.
Monday, June 4th, 2012
4:05 pm
I Fall
We thought we could exist

unreal

beside each other’s memory

We thought we were as empty as ghosts with

nothing to hide

We thought

the world was a forever

word.

.

Tonight the moon

grew two orange fangs

unlit the stars and blinked

me full of old money

so that when I tried to move

the sound of my own

greed overtook

my own mere

Mouth.

.

Bled awake, songed into

sound, the evil sensations released

the milky thighs from your

steel cut eyes. A new

Beginning, so unlike dawn,

a new name for an old

decision.

.

Wrapped again in red ribbons, you

couldn’t look, wouldn’t jump in

to save us, couldn’t blind the

blacksmiths, rhyme the church

bells into blessings, wishes.

.

Rage me awake, we begged

separately, silently. Kiss me or

at least let me know you

would, if things weren’t so

dimensional. Dissuasive.

diabolical, almost.

.

The way jazz makes words

obscene, the way hands make

lands of steam. A new reaction to

the old chain gang bang

swinging like the winds of

loose change.

.

Then growing, the wolf’s metallic

tongue blossoms into howling

ice becomes whitest, fiends screech

home, ankles bend into beds and

the words we need stay safer

than the guard’s own deaf tones.

.

Culpable, the rising sliver of

starving artist curved under your

polished fingers. Plucked pricetag

and all from the edge of despair

where the damage is palpable.

.

Arctic was where it left me, the

hollow tubes, the wet seasons between

a Thursday and a ticking bomb. Grasped

uncertainly between our branches,

you knew what my hands would

look like in 20 years.

.

And looked away.

Current Mood: avalanche
Friday, October 21st, 2011
1:28 pm
all sad dreams come clean in the river, the blind men sigh and the old women shiver, come closer, they say, don't be a sinner. come closer, they say, it's almost winter...
Wednesday, October 12th, 2011
4:33 pm
carpeted creations all this
empty adulation has come
under fire from the extinguishing
mire
curtail the villains, contain
the desire
to venture past the eyelid
infamy
resurrecting the wettest temperature
the skin could ever
try to be
if this is the wonder
where is the wall
the undertones underneath
the undulating
surface of it all
calibrate the context
into calico kismet
a word too absurd for
the alphabet to kiss it
crumpled and clamped
in a mouth revamped
a blonder betrayal
of the same old
canceled stamp
believing the grieving
currents of measure
a wind in a widowed
fantasy savior
complete with the armor
of ancient degrees
borne on a rumor
of bottle caps and bees
the weapon held tight
between the teeth
a massacred column
of a new way to breathe
shoehorned between
the sounds of plaid palms
waving the fronds of our
alibis home
collapsing these cups
into kings cold with
cancer
dissolving the pills
like an unquestioned answer
these stairs will defeat the
muscles worn bare
until not even the
seeds
remember
to stare.
Friday, September 30th, 2011
4:58 pm
this fashion is becoming
unfashionable, these sleeves
wrapped too tight

quarter step quarterhorses
training to hoarseness, a
blackened witness to some
deeper sickness

this warning shot is
shooting itself
in the foot

a factual force to rhyme
this murder with the crows
that know when the time
comes

campfire stories that
grab your ankles, this decision
is becoming unconscionable
our lungs less pink

our history less visionary
our vehicles tired, our feet
mismatched

this timeline is timeless, this
science stolen from temples
and between

corralled hunters come
hunting your palms for
danger, your face for
anger

your dreams for antlers
your knees for stings of
ancient bumblebees

this nakedness is becoming
normal, these clothes not fit
for emperors, these blindfolds
bringing bad news

years in the distance, days
circled inside squares, the heart's
own calendar of forgetting

but it made sense to huddle
and light our limbs with laughter
to rust slowly, crumble
like breadcrumbs

trailing off in your voice
a sentence without penance
a watertight rope

laid loosely around
the neck of the forest
painted the colors of
earthen wanting

this is mourning, birthing
bleeding, this is battling, forging
a victory from rags and nettles
and gravel gowns

unfashionably late, we work
the bones, no fingers left
to point the way home.
Friday, September 16th, 2011
4:52 pm
We don't ask politely. Air catching fire inside the still spaces of vanishing ribcage heat. Very unseemly, you'd say, if you saw me now. Disheveled, violent, mirrorstruck within the fantasy web of artifice. Arrows straight through my heart. Blackbirds at every window. A mockery of love, slave of slipping down spiral-faced into a time out of time. A world I forced myself to navigate solitarily confined. I still don't ask politely. I still don't sing in stillness. You're still gone.
Saturday, September 10th, 2011
4:59 pm
hand-lettering
aghast agape these words
take shape

filling falling cracks
in mothers' sidewalk backs

while the records spin
slowly filling in

the between spaces
caught up in strangers' faces

aglow, alight the old wet night
comes to remind the heart to fight
Friday, September 9th, 2011
2:03 am
oh long roads and
white cars through
tall tree canopies

what constitutes
these memories?

in lost tv shows
and temporary dialogue
i'm learning new
reasons to keep
quiet

let the slamming
screen door speak
for me, fill my
mouth with salve

a pick-up truck
song sung like an
abandoned anthem

for ashes of trees
not yet burned, still
birchsweet, still shuddering
reckless leaves

what replaces these memories?

desert brides come back
to haunt the seas
dragging sand and salt
between their knees

teeth chatter involuntarily
crossed fingers become the
best bet for letting go

these kids harden small
hearts against the windchill
windmill small legs in untimed tides

remember.
Thursday, September 8th, 2011
3:51 pm
When did the end
overtake the beginning?
the brass band in my veins
is losing the beat
and your voice is winning...
Tuesday, August 30th, 2011
10:42 pm
mars tinged skin
sinks in
the flint of spark
and sin
begins to
inflict its
grin

war torn warning
the holes still
forming
quieter than unkept
promised rings
slipping around
calloused morning

about a kingdom
we dream, spent
everything
still singing
the songs that leave
the lungs stinging
the smoke of
evening
weaving our story
untrue and uneven

spent all leaves
like summer's reprieve
you didn't give me
time or reason
to grieve
so i stayed in this
glass menagerie
of make believe

a lilac disease
rash and unseen
under the skin
the whispered sheen
of blue and green
stomping through veins
and screaming
like steam

is it like heaven
behind the eyes?
is it a trick to
sink and rise?
are pills and syringes
the best disguise?
i'm cleaning the windows
to see the disappearing skies
where a hole in my chest has left me
older
but no more

wise.
Friday, July 22nd, 2011
12:10 pm
Rebelle
Wrapped in gowns of gabardine streams
no tongue native to these words
claimed like scars in the palm
of singing hands

walked, talked the dance, a hymn
of a trance, wrapped in the rope of
a lover’s new dance
the rain falls

necklaced and night-seeing
abalone sorrows becoming
a story told to the collarbone
the old ways relearned

taller than tidal wave, deep
as a stone skipped along
surface of woven alone
new moon shadows

wounds unwrapped in desert
rooms without walls, a
mourning dream without
regrets

my fingers feel worn some
Wednesdays, mouth dry
from breathing hard, waiting
for new spirits

this is the way the
heart knows to get what it wants
without paying a price
it can’t afford.
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